Saturday, January 20, 2007

Shark Attack, Shmarck Attack


I am not a "tree hugger" but I do like trees; I practically grew up in one. I am not a "greenie" but I do like breathing fresh air once in a while. And I do love sharks; just not swimming with them. A news article today concerns conservationists asking people to help protect sharks which I am all for. So this blog is just for fun. But...sometimes the things people say are just kind of funny and beg to be parodied.

The news article begins with a true story of a surfer in Hawaii who is attacked by a large shark that proceeds to bite his board (yummmmmmmeeeee!). The shark understandably does not return for seconds so the former surfer dude shakes his way back to the beach; the bitten chunk later washes up on the beach. It is one thing to "rally to rehabilitate the image of the shark," it is quiet another to convince the beach going public that "the shark is my friend." That appears to be one of the goals of the "Rehabilitator" (I have a copyright on that name so don't even think about stealing my movie rights!).

"They're not all teeth," points out the director of the program featured in this article. "But Ms. Director, they're enough teeth." "Experts point out that for all the hoopla over shark attacks they are relatively few." So getting bitten by a shark while swimming in the ocean is kinda like winning the lottery; slim to no chance. I prefer the lottery, thank you. "They're relatively few and fatalities are fewer." "Sharks underwater are just the most magnificent animals," said Marie Levine, executive director of an organization that studies and protects sharks. "They just move with such grace you expect to hear music." Yep, I'll drink to that. Only trouble is, the music I hear is from "Jaws." Sharks underwater may be "magnificent" but me under water with them ain't. I will love them like the three wisemen, "from afar."

Sharks do indeed get a bad rap (oops, another idea, "Shark Rap" "Well, me and muh homies wuz hittin' the surf, and up comes this dude tryin' to make real tuff. He wont all teeth, yo, ya give 'em dat, but we knew right then we wouldn't make him fat. Yo shark dude [rhythmic pause], yo shark dude. We made like a tree, ya know what I mean, me and muh homies, we 'leaved' the scene." copyright Dr. J). But seriously folks, did you see the story about the duck that was shot by a hunter in Florida and put in his refrigerator? Was that amazing or what?